I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
