I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
we're making bets on your personal life
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
