In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
