1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
