So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
