So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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