Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
This is my gift to your gina
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
