mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
