Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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