theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize