I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
