Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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