winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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