Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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