Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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