Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I party with great urgency now.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
