Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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