I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
