What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
