my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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