I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
