So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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