I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
