Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
