I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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