So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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