I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
