I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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