you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
