i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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