get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
