last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
