The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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