We won't sleep together?
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
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I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
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Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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