If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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