nut hugger
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
