I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
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I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
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I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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