standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.