Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
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He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
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I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder