why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
