is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What changed your mind?
Being sober
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Randomize