WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
