K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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