Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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