You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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