You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
