I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
