I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
