Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
