so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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