so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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