Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
