Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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