Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
