Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
