he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
