Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Just invented taco cereal.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
