And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
