dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
