You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
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"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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