update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
it's like iHOP with fire
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
