Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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