If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
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I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
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Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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