ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Randomize
